http://www.amazon.co.uk/Panasonic-SL-1210MK5EB-1210MK5EB-Turntable-Black/dp/B00009RIOE/

Skip down the page to the second of the two reviews, and you'll find this little gem. Needless to say, I am sold.

"This is an absolutley pukka ting ya no. The decks are the most jamming things avaliable on the market today. I got a pair i boiught off me aunty maud 4 years ago and da is still going booooom ting bredrean. Trust me on this one if you want live decks and big up respects buy this decks, you hear me all. Pitch control respect, torque respect, looks respect, needles respect, direct respect. Big up all massive"

There's so much to love about this review, but more than anything - he bought a part of decks off his aunty Maud? Amazing. LITERALLY amazing.

There aren't enough aunties who are also Jamaican dub DJs.

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20228603,00.html

Anyone who has read my blog before will know how much I love short sharp pithy witty summaries of the global economic crisis. Here's one to add to the list, from the always-correct Jon Stewart:

We were in this huge credit crisis, out of money. Then the Fed goes, We'll give you a trillion dollars, and all of a sudden Wall Street is like, ''I can't believe we got away with it!'' Can you imagine if someone said, ''I shouldn't have bought that sports car because it means I can't have my house,'' and the bank just said, ''All right, you can have your house. And you know what? Keep the car.'' [He throws up his arms joyfully and shouts] ''Yeaaaaah, I get to keep the car! Wait, do I have to give the money back?'' ''No, it doesn't matter.'' ''Yeah, I'm gonna get another car! I'm gonna do the same thing the same way, except twice as f---ed up!''

The link is for a 6 page interview with him and Stephen Colbert. Read it!!

And here's a few more links that caught my eye this week:

http://www.sarcasmsociety.com - "We would love to hear what you think!"

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/tanstaafl.html - The origin of the phrase "There's no such thing as a free lunch". Has an interesting history!

http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h79/audiscoteque/michelle_new_baby_cake.jpg - Frightening cake made from a baby!

http://www.myspace.com/i_am_dina - Creepy MySpace profile that is made all the more frightening for the complete lack of context or explanation! Are all her friends part of a cult?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCSaF4KC3eE - Bill O'Reilly fails to understand American law, and tries to argue with a lawyer. Hilarity ensues.

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/09/25/failin-palin.html - PUTIN REARS HIS HEAD OVER ALASKA!! Is Sarah Palin actually real?

http://thegreatjobblog.blogspot.com

I'm _guessing_ that the idea for this blog was inspired by "Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!". But I know this for fact: this blog has teased out many smiles from my face today. I can't explain quite why, though. Perhaps it's the idea of some anonymous person rating the achievements of random people, or maybe it's just the fact that this is a nonsense idea, kept alive for almost half a year. Either way, I love it.

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Around-the-World-lyrics-Daft-Punk/66072659DFB3801348256C1A000A2C01

For karaoke fans - lyrics to Daft Punk's "Around the World."

http://www.lermanet.com/beck/

Lol - someone has made a guide on how to interview Beck, on account of him supposedly being a Scientologist. It's a funny read. Please bear point two in mind:

"2. Beck is likely unaware of much of the "wog" world around him."

You've got to be aware of the wog.

A guide to using Photoshop, spiced with some very dark humour. I can't remember an on-line video made me laugh this much. But then again, I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning, so don't take that to mean anything.

http://www.dvdrewinder.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=1

Has one product ever been made of more lose than this?

(As found on 4chan, the source of everything)

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/pottercovers.html

No spoilers (though don't click it if you don't believe me. I ain't takin' no responsibility!) - this is a list of printable book covers for people who are embarrassed by the idea of reading Harry Potter in public. Alternative book covers include Fuck Wars, Memoirs of a Shark Fucker, and "Shaving Your Balls With a Butcher's Knife, For Dummies".

(Found by perrinashcroft)

I think this is a picture of a vacuum cleaner, browsing the internet. Umm...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0417071vtech1.html

The college student responsible for yesterday's Virginia Tech slaughter was referred last year to counseling after professors became concerned about the violent nature of his writings, as evidenced in a one-act play obtained by The Smoking Gun. The play by Cho Seung-Hui, a 23-year-old English major, was submitted last year as part of a short story writing class. Entitled "Richard McBeef," Cho's bizarre play features a 13-year-old boy who accuses his stepfather of pedophilia and murdering his father. A copy of the killer's play can be found below. The teenager talks of killing the older man and, at one point, the child's mother brandishes a chain saw at the stepfather. The play ends with the man striking the child with "a deadly blow."

Richard McBeef?! Best name ever!!

I'm only part way through, but it's packed full of goodness. My favourite quote so far is "Are you always full of shit, McBeef? I can see that you are by the extra fat you have packed on! You MURDERED my father and covered it up! You committed a conspiracy. Just like what the government has done to John Lennon and Marilyn Monroe."

Truly, his death is a loss to the world of theatre.

Also, is it really that wrong that my primary news source for this event has been 4chan?

(play found by hachimaki)

http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2007/04/hey_mom_im_an_a.html

A boy films his mum's reaction to coming out... as an atheist. Genuine hilarity ensues.

WARNING: this link contains very high quantities of lulz, so please don't eat or drink while watching.

As found at m'friend Kate's blog, at http://cruellablog.blogspot.com.

A door in Soho, on a street connecting Dean Street and Wardour Street:



No, really! There's definitely no prostitutes here. For definite!

Found here via Londoninst.

This guy looks like he's trying his hardest to imagine it. Do you think he succeeded? And what are his demands?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/12/18/health_website/

Funniest thing I've seen all month!

(As found by mquin)

In IRC earlier today, perrinashcroft pointed our attention towards the hilarious FAQ for the upcoming anime convention, Amecon, at www.amecon.org. It has clearly been written for people who actually have no friends, and have literally never been out of the house before. I share some of my favourite question/answers below. "..." means I've removed bits:

Question
What must I do every day?
Answer
EAT AND DRINK...
WASH! To get the most out of a con, you make friends and have fun with new acquaintences. First impressions count, and stinking of sweat etc is not exactly a good way to make those first impressions.

Chris says: In my opinion, people who don't understand the advantages of eating and drinking every day need to experience some natural selection.

Question
Why should I try to drink non-alcoholic drinks?
Answer
Because alcohol dehydrates you, and you will feel worse for being hot, dry and drunk. Trust me.

Chris says: So when I'm thirsty, I should drink? Aah, that makes sense! Previously, when I was thirsty, I gang-raped the elderly, and rather than quenching my thirst, it just left me with a hollow feeling of being morally void. From now on, my policy will be more water, less gang-rape!

Question
How to make friends at a con?
Answer
Firstly: Wash! (no, I'm not obsessive-compulsive about this. It just makes no sense not to.)
Secondly: go to an event you're interested in. Or see an anime showing you're interested in ^^
Thirdly: Smile and look approachable ^^ Alcoholic drinks in small amounts may help this, but too much depresses you and makes things difficult.
If you like something, and someone else liked it, try talking to them. At the worst, you feel a bit silly, and they either brush you off, or don't reply/block you. If that happens, don't loose heart, they're the ones being boring and unfriendly. If you start talking, congratulations, you've made the big step...

Chris says: But that's not all you can do. Here's another list of ways to make new friends:

--Juggle with fire up a tree
--Introduce yourself as Jonathan Bernstein III
--Bring a dog with "friendly rabies"
--Display your testicles
--Give everyone you talk to some free internet
--Pull some rood funky shapes to the sounds of Sister Sledge
--Get a "haircut"
--Eat your arm off
--Insert yourself in the anuses of the unwilling
--Give everyone with blonde hair a cheeky wink
--Memorise all the measurements of all the Gundam mechs ever, and quote them to everyone
--Offer to pay for everyone to have a party in Green Park, with the promise of fire
--Wear comedy socks

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/norfolk/4693952.stm

Victim's concern over 'odd e-fit'


A crime victim has criticised a police e-fit of a suspect saying although the thief had an unusual appearance he "didn't look that odd"."

Personally, I can't see what the fuss is about. Then again, I do come from Newbury, where every other person looks like the child of Margaret Thatcher and The Elephant Man...

And without a trace of hatred:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/050707/325/fmw5r.html

NEW YORK (Reuters) - London was the scene of carnage on Thursday after a series of deadly blasts but American R&B crooner Omarion, who suffered no injury or inconvenience, wants people to pray for him.

"Omarion was in London during the tragic bombings that struck this morning," a statement by the singer's publicist AR PR Marketing, released hours after the bombings, said.

Making no mention of the fatalities or casualties of the blasts, the singer's statement concluded, "He would like his fans to pray that he has a safe trip and a safe return home. He appreciates your support."

He was in London for Saturday's Live 8 show, his publicist Shana Gilmore told Reuters from Los Angeles. Asked why anyone should pray for him, Gilmore said, "He wasn't hurt or anything, but just the fact that he was there and all that."

Omarion was the teenaged lead singer of the chart-topping band B2K before going solo. The 20-year-old's first solo album "O" debuted at No. 1 of Billboard charts earlier this year.